Sunsets in my heart.

Why can’t I stop crying

Every single night

So many things

hurting

Thoughts

Moments

Memories

Imaginations

Everything feels real

Everything aches

Its too much

how am I to take it

 

Life is killing me

From the inside out

I cannot sleep

Nor can I stay awake

hovering in this space

Inbetween

Caught in emotions

that I am

Unable to deal with.

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That time I fell in love with a city, again.

winds rushing through my hair, an ocean breeze that has followed me throughout my trip, at times making it hard on me to catch my breath and other times making me feel alive.

sunshine burning its way deep into my soul, trying to light all those dark spots that have been hiding in the shadow for too long.

laughter filling my ears, my eyes, my heart – reaching deep down below, awaking feelings that I thought lost forever.

houses hovering above me, leaning in, serving some shade where need be and cuddling in close with their neighbors – tall, slim, beautiful, their old facade is telling stories from far ago moments, each of them revived everytime you glance at their beauty.

Its been a minute, all I needed to madly fall in love with a city at the Amstel river.

So many thoughts… on obsessions.

sometimes i feel like using them

using them simply for my personal need

my art

my obsession

my needs

using them for filling holes

that shouldn’t be filled

 

Am I not the more creative

the more I suffer

is it not the pain

that keeps me going

on and on

thinking

feeling

saying

all those things, all those memories

recreating scenes

I have once lived

or am about to.

Or is it simply the fact

of feeling something

anything

everything

 

The more I am experiencing

the more flows right through me

and onto the paper

Once there was something

that made me feel alive

There will be an empty space

Once it stops

and then it all comes back

the pain.

 

Pain

it was just always there

so easy to channel

to use it for my own

needs

my passion

my art.