So many thoughts … On doubts

Why does it scare me if you say things like this?
Why do I have to worry
So many things to enjoy and love
Even lots of things to worry
In the present,
Here and now.

I can’t help but wonder
What might come and
how things may work
Sitting here unable to close my eyes in front of the reality
The harshness of truth

Is there an expiration date to everything?
Is it necessary to put an effort into anything if you anyway already know that and when it will be over?

Can we limit our love?
And why do we do it

I am scared.
Scared of getting hurt,
Losing myself and being punished for letting go
I wish I could just get rid of this nasty feeling
I can’t quite stop myself from rejecting him as soon as we have a conversation like this
Even though I know it’s just things going through his mind, not actual considerations
Well at least I hope so.

There again
It is, the doubt
Feeding on my insecurities
Of only knowing him for so
Little time

Wishing for relief and relaxation
Explanation of thoughts
No left behind doubts
Of unsolved situations
But actual happiness
Pure enjoyment of being
With each other
No questions
Everything just goes smooth
Gladly I close my eyes
Let the frustration wash over me
And go to rest
Tomorrow is a new day.
Just closing my eyes from everything
In a desperate attempt to hide
Feelings and hopes all gone